Wub
Wub is what I call my nephew Jaxon. I've called him that since the day I found out Amy was pregnant with him. I'm not sure where it came from, but it just fits him. I love my Wub so much. People say Sam looks like me, but Jax acts like me. It's kinda true. Today I went to Amy's house for lunch with her and my parent s and the boys. My sister's brother in law was there, which I thought was strange when I pulled in the driveway. When I went inside Jax was crying on the couch and Wayne, who's a doctor, was looking at his arm. Jax is not quite three yet. He's a very sensitive child. Not wussy sensitive, but just tender. I have not seen him cry like that ever, I don't think. It wan't one of those I fell down and hurt myself cries. He was in pain. My heart broke standing there watching my little wub cry and get checked by uncle Dr Wayne. He was so gentle with him and didn't even seem to hear Jax crying. After the trauma passed, mamaw picked up Jax and he looked at me over her shoulder and gave me a grin through red puffy eyes and crocodile tears. It's hard to describe the love of a child. I think it 's the sweetest thing there is. When Wub tugs my hand and wants me to pick a book or video, or show me he can do somersaults or gives me chocolate cookie kisses before I leave or just out of nowhere says, I love you aunt Alie, my heart swells. It hit me today that that's how God feels about us. We are his wubs. His heart breaks when we hurt and it swells when we tug at his hand. pretty amazing. Once a child, always a child.
Still kickin
Wow! It's been a long time since I last blogged. Time kinda got away from me. It would help if I had a computer at home. I'm supposed to be working right now,but whatever! Work is work right? I have so much on my mind and so little to say. I feel happy ignoring all the reality around me. Ignorance is bliss I always say! I don't think it works of you're only pretending to be ignorant. But it's going well for me so far! One thing I have truly learned about myself over the last 26 years is that I like learning the hard way. I hold onto every possible option, every glimmer of hope. I take every word of wisdom and friendly advice and throw it as far from me as possible- even though it is always on the back of my mind and I deeply appreciate it. I've always been the independent type. Stop laughing, I'm going somewhere with this. Rarely asking for help, more often saying Let me do it, I've got it, Leave me alone! Every once in a while, I back myself into a corner and say Ok, now I need help, please. If someone were to ask me how I am, I would simply say fine or good, because it's a whole lot easier than explaining how I really am. Which would be a good hour long saga some days. And the truth is, I am fine and good. I feel happier right now, today than I have in a long time. Yeah, I've got a bunch of stuff on my mind and on my plate, but who doesn't? Everyone can think of something to compain about, but I was making a career out of it. My way of thinking this past month has been very selfish. And I want to apologize to all my friends. I realized, on my own, that I have been so self absorbed in my own crap that I have neglected to see anything else. I am so thankful for all my friendships, for all the different people in my life who teach me different things and shed new light on old subjects. And even though I'm in my "Let me do it" stage, I'm not shoving you to the side, I'm learning. Thank you for standing behind me, for your wisdom, for your love and for forgiveness.
